


my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

by fullmetallizard



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Not Beta Read, eruri - Freeform, yes this was inspired by a tik tok dont @ me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29646318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetallizard/pseuds/fullmetallizard
Summary: Erwin Smith is lost. Maybe a little depressed, definitely a lot lonely. The renter in the apartment beside him plays piano late at night, igniting a curiosity and appreciation from Erwin.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Moblit Berner/Hange Zoë, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias
Comments: 18
Kudos: 98





	my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

The rain had grown from a light drizzle to a steady pour as Erwin started his walk from the parking lot to his apartment building. He tried to adjust the twisted strap of his messenger bag as he hurried to get inside, making sure he kept his coffee upright. He stepped into the lobby, blinking the rain out of his eyes.

He was still trying to fix the twisted strap, annoyed with how hard it was digging into his shoulder and turned to the direction of the stairs.

He immediately collided with another person, someone’s head smacking hard against his shoulder. Erwin felt the paper cup fly out of his hand and he caught himself with a hand against the wall. He wiped the remaining rainwater from his face with his sleeve and turned, mouth already opening to apologize.

“Did you not see me at all?” The person, a man he’d never seen in the building before, all but shouted at him. “Watch where you’re going!” He rubbed his forehead which was already bright red, face clouded with anger.

Erwin flushed. “I’m sorry,” he said, stammered out quietly. Guilt and embarrassment washed through him. “I was distracted.”

The man closed his eyes and sighed, long and heavy. Erwin wasn’t sure what to say. They stood there for a moment more, the stranger looking down at his coffee-soaked shirt, breathing hard through his nose. “It’s fine,” the man finally snapped. He sighed. “Just…pay more attention next time.”

Before Erwin could say anything else the man had turned and started up the stairs, stomping angrily, his boots smacking against the concrete steps.

Erwin dug some napkins out of his bag and started mopping up the coffee mess. There was not much to clean; almost all of it was currently soaked into the stranger’s clothes. He was mildly disappointed at the four dollars wasted but told himself that it was for the best and that he shouldn’t be having a full cup of coffee in the evening anyways. He tossed the napkins in the trash and started making his way up the stairs.

Once in his apartment, Erwin changed into sweats and a hoodie and wandered into the kitchen to search through the fridge. He decided he didn’t have the energy to cook and stuck a freezer meal in the microwave. He pulled out a beer out of the fridge and his mind started wandering to the incident downstairs.

There was a new tenant beside him but, to his knowledge, there were three new tenants in the building all together so he didn’t know who was next to him. He could go weeks at a time without seeing the other renters but he hoped he would run into the man again so he could apologize more sincerely. Then again, he hadn’t seemed all too interested in his apology the first time.

The microwave beeped, pulling him out of his thoughts. He sat on the couch and looked around the barebones apartment for a moment before sighing. Another quiet night alone.

Every day as night started settling outside the windows, it was evident to him how much he missed having roommates. He’d lived with Mike since college. Erwin was comforted by routine, always had been. It was nice knowing that when he got home from work, Mike would be there. They would cook dinner, do the dishes, watch something on TV. On weekends they would go out. It was predictable and safe.

Once Nan moved in, he had started feeling more and more like a party crasher despite how many times they insisted he wasn’t. Erwin could tell the two of them were getting more serious and he didn’t want to linger around the house, the single roommate stuck several phases behind them.

Living by himself was filled with plenty of routine. He still came home after work, made dinner, and washed the dishes. He still went out on weekends, meeting Mike, Nan, and Zoë downtown at 8 every Friday night. But with no one else in the apartment, instead of feeling comforted, he just felt lost. He’d lived there nearly a year now and he still feel like a guest at a hotel. All of the items of a home were there. But it was not a home and Erwin felt like he didn’t belong there.

Erwin had never truly understood the phrase “stuck in a rut” until being on his own. His life seemed muted and dull around him. Routine for the first time felt oppressive and boring. The vast expanse of structured days seemed more like a looming threat.

He wondered if maybe he was depressed.

He shook his head and took a bite of chicken alfredo. The sauce was bland and the noodles were a bit gummy but he didn’t mind. He pulled his laptop out and opened it to check his email, letting the mechanical aspect of eating take over.

He nursed his beer as he typed one-handed. He had half a mind to call Mike and Nan or Zoë. He knew they would come over, would bring some noise and color into the apartment to distract him but he was tired and he didn’t want to inconvenience them.

Erwin laid down on his side, stuffing a throw pillow from the couch under his cheek. He pulled up Netflix on his laptop and picked something at random, setting it down on the coffee table in front of him.

After an unknown amount of time, he woke with a start on the couch, neck already sore. He blinked into the dim light of the living room and wondered where the music he was hearing was coming from. He lifted his head to see if his laptop was the culprit but the battery had long died.

He sat up, trying to blink through the thick fog of fatigue, his eyes sticky and dry. He grabbed his phone to make sure nothing was playing and to check the time. It was 2:36 in the morning. The music continued.

After his senses started to return, he realized the music wasn’t coming from anything in his apartment. It was coming through the shared wall. He wondered why someone would be up at such an hour, playing instrumental music loud enough to be heard in the neighboring apartment.

Just as he questioned it, the music stopped abruptly. A part replayed and a, moment later, replayed again, slower this time.

 _Oh_ , Erwin thought, the realization dawning on him. The person next door wasn’t listening to the piano. They were playing it.

He moved to the loveseat, the back of which rested against the shared wall, curling his legs up and grabbing a blanket and laying it over his lap. The stranger started playing again.

The music was lovely. Erwin didn’t know much about music and he knew even less about classical music but he could still tell the player on the other side of the wall was talented. The notes and melodies floated around him like water and he closed his eyes to let his mind swim in the current of them.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat like that, drifting in and out of sleep while his neighbor played but eventually the music stopped. Erwin could hear the muffled motions of the person getting up, the legs of the piano bench softly scraping on the floor.

Erwin was immediately filled with a sort of melancholy he’d never felt before. He couldn’t expect them to play all night. It’s not like they even knew he was listening. But as soon as the silence chased away the last of the notes, Erwin ached to hear the song again.

Instead, he forced himself off of the loveseat and shuffled into his room, falling onto the bed and barely managing to push the slippers off his feet before succumbing to sleep, lulled into a world that was bright and exciting, where the notes of a piano flew around like flecks of dust in a sunny window.

………

The rain had stopped by the next morning. Erwin walked quickly to his car, running a few minutes behind schedule, a slow start he’d earned from staying up so late. He narrowly avoided a dirty puddle as he got into his Honda, quickly turning the key and starting the defroster to push the chill away.

He’d grown up on farmland as a child even though his parents were not farmers. When he was young, he had loved the day after a rainstorm. The grass would be fresh and bright as if it had just gone through a rinse cycle, the air damp and new.

He wasn’t sure when the shift happened, whether in was in childhood or adolescence, but now the first sunny day after rain just felt stagnant, like the water had drummed up all the grime and dirt, leaving a film of it on everything it touched. The air just felt humid and cold. Maybe it was moving to the city that caused the change of heart.

Erwin would have given almost anything to just lay in bed all day, catching up on sleep, and staying locked away from the unfortunate weather. But he knew he wouldn’t call out. It was Friday. He told himself work wouldn’t be that bad anyways. And his friends would be expecting him at the bar after that night.

Just as he had the thought, his phone screen illuminated with a text from Mike.

**M: Still coming?**

Erwin sighed, sending off a yes before putting his car in reverse and heading to work.

He was distracted, the numbers seemingly sliding off the page as he tried to work on a financial statement for a client. He caught himself humming more than once, the half-remembered tune from night before. He almost considered passing this client to another accountant and feigning sick but decided against it. He trudged through it the best he could but already knew that even with staying late, he was going to have to work on things through the weekend to have it done in time.

After what seemed like a small eternity, he left the office, much later than he would have liked. He stopped at a corner market down the street and blindly grabbed something to eat. He left quickly, the salad and bottled iced tea shoved into a plastic bag looped loosely around his wrist.

At home, he ate as he got dressed. Some of the only clean options were jeans and a light blue sweater, making a mental note to get some laundry done over the weekend. He could already hear Zoë admonishing him and warning him that he wouldn’t pick anyone up looking like he just left an Easter brunch, ignoring his insistence that he wasn’t trying to pick anyone up.

He rubbed his temples for a few seconds before slipping his shoes on, pocketing his keys in his coat. He could tell his friends were waiting for him to find someone. They were nicely coupled up, Mike and Nan, Zoë and Moblit. Neat and tidy. Erwin knew they wanted him to be happy but he also couldn’t help but wonder if there was a fair amount of pity involved.

But maybe that was just Erwin projecting his own discontentment onto them.

The bar was already crowded when Erwin stepped in. Dim and hot, a stark contrast to the now biting cold air of the night. Smoke curled in a fog under the lights despite the no smoking rules which were enforced by no one. The bartender himself had an unlit cigarette tucked behind his ear as he poured and handed off drinks.

For the size of the crowd, Erwin was surprised there was only one other person standing at the bar to order. He walked over and leaned against it, figuring he could find his friends after he already had a drink in his hand.

The bartender took the order of the man a few feet away, before glancing over at Erwin, brow raised. “Oh,” Erwin cleared his throat. “A Heineken, please.” The bar tender nodded before walking back over, pulling down a glass to make the first man’s drink. Erwin scanned the room for Mike, deciding that if he didn’t find them by the time he drank his beer he would go back home.

“Oh, it’s you,” he heard. He looked over and saw the man he’d bumped into the day before. “You here to spill your beer on me?”

“Not if I can help it,” he replied.

The man nodded, giving the just the slightest hint of a smile before looking back down to check the status of his drink.

Erwin studied him in the dingy overhead lights. He was shorter than Erwin had realized the day before. His hair was inky black and smooth, falling over his forehead like someone painted it to do so; heavy lids over charcoal blue eyes.

He cleared his throat again. “I really am sorry,” Erwin said. The man looked over, cocking a brow in confusion. “I should have been paying better attention. I’m usually not so clumsy.”

The man was shaking his head. He shrugged. “No harm, no foul. My head has since healed from the collision. I can’t say the same for my shirt, of course, but I’ll live.”

“I’m Erwin Smith,” he said, unsure of what else he could say.

“Levi Ackerman,” the man replied, offering his right hand and picking up his newly delivered drink with his left.

Erwin extended his own and they shook. His hands were small and delicate, a little cold. Once Levi had taken his hand back, Erwin grabbed his beer.

Levi opened his mouth to say something when a voice from somewhere behind him called his name. Erwin looked over the smaller man’s shoulder. A ginger haired woman was waving, cupping her hands around her mouth and calling for Levi again.

“Friend of yours?” Erwin asked.

Levi nodded. “Well, I should get back before we get kicked out for Petra being so fucking loud,” he said with no actual malice behind it. He gave a half-hearted wave before leaving Erwin alone at the bar.

When Erwin turned to check the other side, he finally spotted Mike standing with Nan by a window, his hand on the small of her back. He made his way over.

“Hey,” he said, already regretting not heading out when he had the chance.

“Erwin,” Nan smiled, giving him a quick hug, being careful not to spill what Erwin assumed was a Jack and Coke. Erwin hugged her back with one hand and felt guilty for wanting to bail on them. It’s not like they’d done anything wrong or had never done anything to him except care for him. They were wonderful friends and he knew he was acting self-absorbed.

“Who was that?” Mike asked once the hug was broken and they’d sat down at a nearby table, gesturing to the bar with the beer he held.

“Who?” Erwin asked, taking a sip of his own.

“That guy,” Mike answered. “Small, angry looking.”

“Levi, apparently. I spilled my coffee on him yesterday after work. He’s one of the new renters, I think.” He started peeling on the label of his beer, already soaked in condensation from the heat in the building, both from the HVAC and the crowd of bodies. 

“He’s cute,” Nan offered, the encouragement in her tone almost undetectable but not quite. “Is he into men?” 

Erwin shrugged, wishing they’d drop the subject. “I have no idea.”

“Nan, leave him alone,” Mike said, wrapping his arm around her. She flushed a bit.

“You know,” Zoë said, appearing out of what seemed like thin air. “For someone who likes men and women, you get less ass than anyone I’ve ever met,” they said, pulling on Erwin’s earlobe to show they were joking.

Erwin rolled his eyes. They may have been joking but they were also right and it annoyed him. “Where’s Moblit?” He asked, ignoring the statement entirely.

Zoë motioned for Erwin to scoot over and he did, nearly pressing himself up against the foggy window. They sat beside him and took a long sip of their drink. “He claims he has the flu,” they said. “But I think it’s just a cold.”

“Well, thanks for exposing us, Super Spreader,” Nan joked. Zoë stuck their tongue out at her in response.

They sat for a while. Erwin tried to pay attention but his mind kept wandering elsewhere. He found himself staring out the window, half-listening to Mike and Nan’s plans for a vacation coming up.

Three people were outside, huddled under the streetlamp. Erwin squinted and could make out Levi in the dark. He was nodding his head at a blonde man who was speaking and pointing at Petra who was typing on her phone beside him, laughing.

Levi wasn’t responding much and kept looking to the direction of the street. Erwin wondered what he was feeling. Did he feel just as listless as he did? As lost? He wondered if he also disliked the not-quite-rainy but inescapably wet weather. Levi’s cheeks and nose had gone rosy from the temperature outside and Erwin wondered suddenly why he was noticing such a thing. Or why he was thinking of this man, who was a stranger to him, at all.

“Earth to Smith,” Erwin heard. He tore his eyes away from Levi, who had started making his way down the street with his friends. Mike was smirking at him. “Found the moon yet, space cadet?”

Erwin smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, guys. It’s been a long week and I’m just not feeling like myself.”

“All the more reason to get drunk, I’d say,” Zoë said. “I can order you another beer if you want.”

He shook his head. “I think I might head home.”

“Are you sure?” Mike asked. “Didn’t you leave early last week too?” He asked, giving Nan a look Erwin didn’t quite understand.

“Probably. I’ve been tired lately, working longer hours and everything.”

No one answered. Nan was chewing on her lower lip, Zoë gnawing on their thumbnail.

Erwin sighed. “Well, just tell me what’s going on before I go nuts,” he said, downing the last of his beer.

“We’re just,” Mike started to say. He looked to Nan again.

“We’re worried about you, Erwin,” Nan admitted. “You’ve seen really withdrawn. You say you’re just tired but you seem…I don’t know. You seem lonely.” She spoke quietly and kindly but it made Erwin nervous all the same.

“Do you remember in college when you and Marie broke up?” Zoë said. “It was like this. Maybe not as bad, I assume you’re not watching Titanic two times a week, crying each time. But it feels like we’re approaching that.”

“I’m completely fine,” he insisted. Zoë scoffed beside him and he ignored it. “I’ve been feeling off lately. I’m sure I’ll come out of it soon. And no, it’s not like Marie and I’m definitely not crying in front of the TV.”

Mike looked like he wanted to argue but he decided on silence, simply shrugging and giving a nod. Erwin could practically hear the “if you say so” bouncing around his friend’s mind. He felt coddled and frustration, his life being pushed under a microscope for them to diagnose the problem and recommend their treatments.

It took another minute or two of convincing them that he was fine before Zoë relented, scooting out of the booth so he could leave. He gave a last goodbye, heart twisting at the sad expression on Nan’s face, before going to the bar to settle his tab and leave.

 _You are a terrible friend,_ his brain informed him. He felt inclined to agree, pressing his thumbs against his eyelids once he was back behind the wheel of his Honda, overcome with the desire to cry. His friends just wanted him to be happy, he knew that. Maybe they were a little pushy, but he was lucky to have them at all.

The headache that started as a dull ache behind his temples had grown particularly painful, wrapping tendrils around his brain. His teeth were clenched so hard as he climbed the stairs of his apartment building that his jaw was aching.

As he got closer to his door, he could hear the piano. His mood immediately improved tenfold, headache seeming to recede a bit in his excitement. He went inside and was about to grab his spot on the loveseat when he noticed a pad of sticky notes on the side table. He chewed on his lip for a moment, talking himself out of it, but gave up. He dug a pen out of the drawer.

‘I love hearing you play. You’re very talented. If you take requests, could you play ‘The Heart Will Go On’? Thank you!’

He considered signing it but didn’t. He was not quite that bold. Leaving the note at all was already miles outside his comfort zone.

As quietly as he could manage, he opened the door, tiptoed over to his neighbor’s door, and stuck the note to the door under the peephole. The music didn’t stop and Erwin sighed with relief. Once back in his apartment, he changed into pajamas, jamming his feet in his slippers, and made his way to the loveseat.

The song was the same as the night before, lush and sweet. Erwin wanted to bottle the feeling the song brought him. He wrapped the blanket around himself tightly, curling up on his side and laying his head on the pillow he’d brought from his bed. He was much too tall to be doing this on a loveseat, but the piano made it more than bearable.

He fell asleep some unknown amount of time later, jolting awake. The music had stopped. He was disappointed and stretched around to let the feeling return to his limbs. He was getting ready to drag himself to bed when he heard the neighbor’s door swing shut. He laid back down, wondering if they had seen the note. And if they had if they thought it was funny or nice or if they just crumpled it to toss in the trashcan.

His answer came in a little under ten minutes. The opening notes of the familiar song all but struck Erwin directly in the heart. He curled back up, clutching the blanket close to his middle, feeling so small and sad and grateful.

He didn’t know he’d started to cry until the tears were rolling at a steady pace down his cheeks. He thought of Zoë’s comment about Titanic at the bar and almost laughed at himself. He couldn’t place why he felt so overwhelmed and raw. The song played on. Erwin cried through every excruciatingly beautiful minute of it.

……….

He woke, crumpled and cramped, on the loveseat. His head felt heavy like it was stuffed with cotton and his mouth was dry. He was sure he hadn’t had enough to drink to have a hangover and lifted his hand to push his sweaty hair off of his forehead. He paused. A fever.

He pulled his phone out. It was midmorning and he had a text from Mike.

**M: Are you sick? Nan and I both are. Guess we were right about Zoë being a super spreader.**

**E: Yes, I am. Not feeling too bad. Do you two need anything?**

**M: We’re good. Nan is making soup, I think. We can bring you some later. Let me know.**

He sighed, putting his phone to the side. He went to the coffee pot to start brewing a cup and picked up an empty bag of grounds. He stared at it for a moment, shaking it a few times as if beans would just appear. When they didn’t, he sighed, scrubbing his hands over his face to rub the last of the sleep away.

He was going to have to get some work done today. He needed coffee. Cold be damned, he was going to the grocery store. He made quick work of brushing his teeth and throwing on clothes, reminding himself once again that he absolutely needed to do laundry. He put his keys in his hoodie pocket and left.

As soon as he’d shut the door behind him, a small piece of paper fluttered down between his feet. He picked it up.

The writing on the sticky note was deliberate and neat. ‘Any other requests?’

He found himself smiling the entirety of the walk to the grocery store a few blocks away. He walked through the aisles, grabbing things with no actual plan, promising himself he would cook more. He grabbed some soup and made his way to the self-checkout.

There was a display table of flowers in plastic vases. He paused and then had an idea. He took his time picking the arrangement he liked best, bright crocuses and camellias curled together with cream-colored snowdrops draped around them. He smiled as he brought the find to the counter.

Once he was back at his apartment, he dug around for a pen and wrote on the card attached.

‘I’d like to hear your favorite song to play. Thank you for humoring me. (Sorry for the plastic vase, I can get a better one later.)’ He stuck the note back in the cardholder, fingers temporarily fumbling with the tiny clasp.

Erwin opened the door and stuck his head out to make sure his neighbor wasn’t out. He padded over to their doorway, leaving the flowers where they would be safe from being hit by the door opening. He chuckled a little at the ‘lose the shoes’ doormat and made his way back inside.

He went ahead and brewed a cup of coffee. He ate his soup before sitting on the couch and pulling his laptop onto his thighs.

He worked for a while. He had a bit of a headache and soon found himself drowsy, trying to muddle through figures and numbers that became muddier and muddier with each heavy blink of his eyes. He took another sip from his mug and tried to stay alert.

After an hour or two, he heard footsteps in the hall. His hands froze over the keyboard and he listened. After a pause that seemed a little too long, the door shut. He waited for a few minutes, resisting the urge to press his ear against the wall. _Much too creepy_ , he scolded himself.

He heard the beginning notes of a piano warm up and all but ran to the loveseat, nearly tripping on his way. His neighbor warmed up for a few minutes and then launched into a song Erwin knew well, his mother’s favorite.

He closed his eyes and thought of her, how she would tuck a quilt around him and sing this song to him, her warm hands smoothing his hair as he drifted to sleep.

Erwin found himself singing along under his breath now. “ _I hope you don't mind_ _that I put down in the words how wonderful life is while you're in the world.”_

He was nearly crying, stopping himself before the tears managed to fall. He hadn’t heard the song since his mother died, the notes of it falling flat as they floated over her casket, grating to his ears.

This version, though, was softer. He could feel the care and expertise in each press of the keys. It filled his apartment, making his chest twinge, dull and steady like a toothache.

The last few notes lingered in the air for a while and Erwin hoped another song would come. It didn’t. He could faintly hear the stranger moving about their apartment. Their door opened and swung shut moments later, the footsteps in the hallway moving further down until he couldn’t hear them anymore.

He sighed, unsure what to do with himself as emotional as he felt. Working again felt out of the question, he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate again. Cleaning, then.

Erwin sighed, standing up to stretch his aching limbs. He looked around the apartment. He didn’t have too many dishes, just a few forks, further proving his point that he’d been eating far too many freezer meals and salads from the grocery store. It took him all of five minutes to get the dishes drying in the rack. He ate again, over the sink. He washed the new dishes and then went to gather his clothes.

He hefted the hamper into his arms and started making his way to the laundry units in the basement, taking extra care not to bump into anyone. The halls were clear, most of tenants taking advantage of the nice weather to meet with friends and take bundled up children to the park.

Erwin tripped a little as he walked into the laundry room, his shoe catching on the molding. He nearly dropped the hamper, catching himself against one of the folding tables.

“I thought you said you weren’t clumsy,” he heard from the corner of the room.

Erwin jumped and turned. Levi was sitting by a dryer, writing on a stack of papers on his lap.

He laughed. “I’m starting to think maybe I am.”

Levi chuckled, short and dry. “Wouldn’t surprise me. You’re practically a giant.”

Erwin snorted and walked over to a free washer, stuffing his clothes in and dosing out detergent.

“It’s stressing me out that you aren’t separating your colors,” Levi said.

“I thought that was a myth,” Erwin said, cranking the dial and leaning against the machine, watching Levi make some marks on the papers he was holding. For reasons he couldn’t quite identify, Erwin continued to be endlessly curious about the man.

“Tell that to the perfectly good load of T-shirts Petra ruined with her god-awful Valentine’s Day socks,” Levi replied, pressing the eraser end of his pencil against his bottom lip.

“Luckily, I left all of my Valentine’s Day socks upstairs so I think my clothes are safe.”

Levi laughed and Erwin warmed at the sound of it. He got the sense it was something he didn’t do often.

They sat in silence for a while and Erwin noticed it wasn’t awkward at all. He didn’t want to full on stare but couldn’t help himself from stealing glances. Levi was curled over the papers, making the occasional tick mark with his pencil. Erwin wondered if he was a teacher, maybe he was grading papers.

He realized all at once that Nan was almost right. He wasn’t cute, exactly. With his dark hair and eyes, fair skin and red-pink lips, he was almost…pretty.

“Are you new to the area?” Erwin asked after a moment.

“Kind of. I’m from Lennox, the shithole town twenty minutes over. I went to college here. I was living with Petra near downtown for a while.”

“Break up?” Erwin asked, wondering if that was too personal to ask so quickly.

Levi snorted. “No. I am very gay.”

“Ah,” Erwin replied. He didn’t want to examine why this new piece of information thrilled him.

Levi looked up, brow cocked. “Don’t tell me you’re homophobic. The landlord told me this was a “gay friendly” area, whatever the fuck that means. I didn’t tell him I was gay, I guess I just exude homosexuality.”

“I am definitely not homophobic,” Erwin laughed. “I’m bi.”

Levi nodded, turning back to his papers. “That explains the vibes,” he said.

It was Erwin’s turn to be confused. “Vibes?”

Levi nodded. “You give off vibes.” A statement of fact delivered almost like a field observation.

“Good to know, I guess,” he said, totally unsure whether “vibes” were a good or bad thing.

They were quiet for a few minutes more. Levi got up to switch his clothes to the dryer. His pencil rolled off the chair, spinning its way to Erwin’s feet. He picked it up and handed it over. “What are you working on?” He asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“A song. I’m a composer. Well, a struggling composer. I also teach piano to kids.”

Erwin blinked, shock exploding in his belly, radiating like static through his body. _Piano_.

“Are you in 2B?” He asked, feeling dumbstruck. Was it him the whole time? Did his hands create the music that had been making him feel things for the first time in months? The musician he’d been waiting for nightly and the man who’d left him achingly enamored since the moment he’d collided with him were one in the same. Levi.

“Yeah,” Levi answered, slowly. “Why?”

“I’m in 1B,” Erwin stammered out.

Levi looked puzzled for a few seconds but realization took over and he nodded. “ _Oh_. I’d been wondering who my biggest fan was,” he joked and Erwin had to fight the urge to tell him he was right. “I was worried my neighbor would complain about the noise, so I’m glad it doesn’t bother you.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Erwin admitted, quietly. “I enjoy it.”

He could have sworn Levi’s cheeks flushed. Erwin’s heart was still pounding.

“Well, thank you. I…I liked the flowers. I didn’t even mind the plastic vase.”

Erwin laughed and then went quiet, letting Levi concentrate. He momentarily wished he’d brought his computer with him, making do with going back and forth between answering emails from an app and playing a game that Zoë had downloaded on is phone. After a half hour of that, he stuffed his phone back in his pocket and sat back in the chair he was in, suppressing a sigh.

The initial surprise was fading, replacing itself with anxiety. It wasn’t that he was disappointed that Levi was the pianist next door, quite the opposite actually. But he wondered if this meant the spell was broken. Sure, Levi would still play and he would still listen. But the idea of the magic being lost made him unspeakably sad.

He shook his head and told himself he was being ridiculous.

“You could come over,” Levi said, suddenly. His voice was soft, laced with something that almost sounded like apprehension. “If you wanted to hear the piano firsthand instead of through the wall.”

Erwin smiled, despite his frazzled state of mind. “I’d like that.”

Levi nodded and got up, pulling his clothes out of the dryer onto a table. He began folding with the efficiency and neat expertise of a professional cleaner.

“Do you want help?” Erwin asked. “If I have to play Tap Tap Fish for one more minute, I might go insane.”

Levi chuckled and nodded, stepping to the side a little to make room for him. “Fine. Just don’t touch my undies.”

Erwin laughed and reached for a T-shirt. Laundry was always his favorite chore. The warmth of the clothes and the gentle, fresh smell of fabric softener calmed him almost immediately.

“Are you from here? You look very city,” Levi said, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Not at all,” he said. “I’m an accountant and all squares look like they belong here. I grew up in a farmhouse about an hour from here. The farm was long out of commission. My mother kept the garden going though, up until she died.”

“When did she die?” Levi asked, turning a sock right side out.

“I was fifteen. Breast cancer. It was terrible. She was only forty-four.” Erwin had long reached acceptance about his mom’s death but something about Levi brought his emotions to the surface and he worried he might choke up.

“I get it,” Levi said sympathetically. "My mom died when I was thirteen. She’d been sick my entire life.”

“With what?” Erwin asked and then immediately kicked himself for doing so. He could hear echoes of his friends telling him not to be so intense all the time, to give things a chance to grow on their own.

Levi didn’t seem to mind. He shrugged, face indifferent. “Lots of things. She was depressed. Every man she dated was horrible to the both of us. I’m sure there were drugs involved but I never wanted to know for sure. When I’m feeling particularly philosophical, I think it’s the poverty killed her in the end.”

“You’re probably right,” Erwin said honestly.

Levi didn’t sound upset but Erwin was overcome with the urge to wrap the man up in his arms. The idea of a smaller Levi, hungry and abused by shitty men was equal parts infuriating and saddening.

Erwin moved to switch his clothes to a dryer and returned back to the table where Levi was organizing the stacks of clothes into the laundry basket he’d brought.

“Do you want me to wait here for your clothes?” Levi asked, carefully sliding the folder of sheet music into the basket.

Erwin shrugged. “I’ll just come get them later.”

They left together. As they reached the stairs, Erwin reached for the basket.

“I’m not sure if that’s safe,” Levi said, eyeing him up and down. “You might fall down the stairs and break your neck.” He handed it over anyways. “This place should get an elevator,” he muttered, the genuine grumpiness made Erwin smile.

He wasn’t sure what to expect of Levi’s apartment, he realized as they stood at the door, Levi digging the key out of the pocket of his dark jeans. Even in their limited meetings, he'd never seen the man wear anything that wasn’t dark grey or black. He’d noticed in the laundry room that his phone had a slim, plain black case on it.

The door swung open and he followed Levi in, expecting a sea of monochrome décor. He kicked his shoes in line with the other two pairs by the door. Levi followed suit and then grabbed the basket from him, muttering something about putting the clothes away.

Erwin walked forward. The layout was the same as his but mirrored.

He was wrong. Vibrant art pieces, splashes of bright reds, rich greens, and ocean blues, covered every wall. His couch was a soft peach color, the rug on the floor in front of it a deep turquoise.

Levi emerged from his bedroom and went into the small kitchen, asking Erwin if he wanted anything to drink. The flowers he’d gotten him were on the kitchen counter.

“Water, if you don’t mind. I like the art,” he said, gesturing vaguely to the walls.

“Thanks. Petra did most of them. My ex did that one,” he said, pointing to one that was a house on hill done in varying shades of red. “He was an asshole but his art wasn’t half bad. These masterpieces,” he said, waving his arm to the fridge, “are from my students.”

Erwin walked over to look at the drawings held up with bottlecap magnets, sloppy crayon portraits of Levi, mostly standing beside a scribbly piano. One had a circle of hearts around his head. Erwin stopped at one and laughed out loud. The Levi in the picture was a giant head on a little body with angry downturned eyebrows and a red-crayon gash of a frown.

“This student doesn’t seem to be a fan of you. Odd that he drew a picture anyways.”

“Eren,” Levi sighed out with eyeroll. “I teach his sister too so I assume she roped him into it. He is the most cracked-out kid I’ve ever met. Not a musical bone in his body either. His sister is quite good though.”

He looked over at Levi who was checking something on his phone. Every new detail about him was surprising. He didn’t strike him at all as the type to lovingly hang up crayon portraits, or one to spend so much time teaching children in the first place. Erwin didn’t get the impression that it was a desperation gig either; he seemed to like it.

“Is there a particular song you want to hear?” Levi asked. “The piano’s in here.”

Erwin followed him into the nook to the side of the living room. Erwin used his to house the table he never ate at. 

The instrument was beautiful and elegant. The grand piano was cream-colored and glossy. He was opening his mouth to compliment it when he noticed a tiny version of the piano sitting on top of a bench to the left. “What is that?” Erwin asked, holding back a laugh.

Levi rolled his eyes again but this time it was accompanied by a soft smile. “Petra,” he said. “She got it for me for my birthday. Or Christmas, whichever. She claims she was just being nice but I suspect she and our other friends have plenty of height jokes about it.”

Erwin smiled. He felt like his whole body was humming, warm and content. This was new. Normally a variation in routine this significant would require an adjustment period. He didn’t know what it meant that such a thing was not required with Levi, but he wanted to stick around and find out. He wanted to learn more about him.

Levi finished propping the lid of the piano and sat down on the bench, motioning for Erwin to sit beside him. He did.

“I liked the first song,” Erwin said. “The one you played the night before I left the note. I’m sorry, I don’t know the name.”

“That’s because I wrote it,” Levi admitted softly. “I’m still working out the kinks with it. I’ve been working on it for a couple of years but it never sounds right to me.”

“I’d like to hear it,” Erwin said, matching the quiet of Levi’s voice. He felt like he should, the hush falling over him and filling him with reverence. Whether it was for the piano or for Levi, he wasn’t sure. “If you’re okay with sharing.”

“It’s not like you haven’t heard it before,” Levi said, cracking his knuckles lightly and wiggling his fingers before placing them lightly over the keys.

He played with his eyes closed. Erwin noticed immediately. Levi’s brow furrowed as his hands moved expertly, each note even more striking without the buffer of a wall.

As he transitioned into the main melody, Erwin’s eyes filled with tears he made no attempt to blink away. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and allowed himself to be surrounded by the song. This, he thought, this was the closest thing to magic he would ever know. He never wanted it to end.

But eventually, it did, the last few notes hanging around him like steam until they dissipated and he opened his eyes.

“Like I said,” Levi told him, “there are still some issues I need to work out with it.”

“I think it’s perfect,” Erwin choked out.

Levi looked over at him, taking in the tears. His face was open, eyes searching, looking for something in Erwin’s face.

 _Please find whatever you’re looking for_ , Erwin thought. _Please keep me around._

Levi said nothing but reached a slender hand to the side of Erwin’s cheek, using his thumb to brush a tear away. The light was dim, there in the nook, and Erwin thought it made Levi look otherworldly, a siren too far from the sea, sitting inside a landlocked one-bedroom apartment.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he’d leaned forward and pressed his lips against Levi’s. He felt electrified, like every nerve ending in his body had been lit on fire. He’d never been in the presence of someone so beautiful.

He pulled back quickly, eyes wide. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’m-”

His rushed apology was cut off by the hand Levi winded through the back of his hair. He smiled and Erwin knew it was over for him. That smile was a handshake with a devil; the deal was done. He was going to fall in love with this man.

“I didn’t mind,” Levi said, a lilt to his voice that Erwin would almost call flirty.

Erwin leaned in again and Levi accepted, deepening the kiss. The electricity continued its course through Erwin’s limbs, a fire forming in his middle.

“Levi,” he said, breaking the kiss. Levi didn’t stop, moving his kisses down Erwin’s jaw to his neck, his collarbones.

“Hm?” He hummed out from Erwin’s neck.

“I’m glad it was you,” he whispered, grabbing the back of Levi’s head, running his fingers through the short hair of his undercut.

Levi laughed and returned to his lips, gently moving him off of the piano bench, to the direction of the nearby couch.

Erwin held Levi, enjoying the weight of another person laying their head on his chest. This was what he wanted, color and music and life, and Levi embodied it. Erwin had never felt so alive or so _human_. He felt drunk on him. _Levi Levi Levi_.

He didn’t retrieve his clothes from the dryer until the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments are always appreciated! drink some water, take your meds, wear your seatbelt, etc.


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